Honesty is such a lonely word

Someone in the industry recently posted a Facebook rant about people who are just a couple of years out of college having no business posing as an expert in their field and making instructional videos claiming such. I think that everyone who saw the post knew exactly who he was talking about. I cringed, because I’ve met both the poster and the target. Not having watched any of said videos, I will nevertheless go ahead and talk about this as if I have a useful opinion on it all. 

“Fake it ’til you make it” is an enormous amount of pressure to put on a sensitive artistic soul, yet a certain amount of it is expected in order to help a neophyte gain some confidence and put themselves out there. The phrase “out there” has a ring of danger to it, for good reason. Obviously this person crossed a line and hit a nerve out there with several veterans in the industry. Did he "fake it" a little too much? So it would seem. Yet, he presumably does have some amount of experience to draw on and being fresh out of school affords him a current perspective that can be useful. 

I’m particularly sensitive to this as 1) I’m also fairly fresh out of grad school and 2) I have indeed talked very big, and in my case at least, without subsequently being able to publicly follow it up with proof. See, the very first thing after graduating I stumbled into a really big game scoring gig. It was a well known game company about to foray into the video game market and partnering with a local programmer. A lot of fantastic artwork was already done. I was to have a 50-piece live orchestra at my disposal. Pinch me!!! What a dream. I’m on my way! Don’t feel entirely ready for something this big but I’ll get whatever help I need! Alas, the project fell through, something about the higher ups not approving the direction of the artwork. The whole project stalled out, and as far as I know, that was the end of the whole thing. But not before I had already been bouncing around telling everyone “Oh yes, wow, I have a big project that I can’t talk about because of the NDA.” Standard fare in the industry, secrecy. But now I FEEL that it just looks like I was faking it, to anyone who doesn’t know me. That would be bad enough, but in a business where your reputation is about 99.5% of what gets you hired, well… I’ve sincerely had trouble mentally coming back from that, and subsequent projects with the same people did not make much more of an impact to my resume.

I am not at all above doing what I guess would be called grunt work, have done as much of it as has come my way, and will continue to as long as it affords learning opportunities (read: likely a long time.) I just don't want to feel a shadow on my credibility any longer than my neuroses demand. I believe that we can all learn from each other, but that requires trust, and trust can be fragile.

No fooling.

Gutsy Player

A year ago I fell headlong into learning how to play the violin. Odd as it might seem, given what I do, I’d never actually even touched one before then. I’d made a brief personal acquaintance with the string family sometime in the ’90’s; I'd bought a beat-up cello with vague structural problems that I kept around just for a bit but I didn't have the resources to fix whatever was wrong with the neck, so I never got emotionally invested, nor the least bit serious about learning on a faulty instrument. Skip to a year ago and my daughter was embarking on the school instrument program that starts in 4th grade. She picked viola. I hooked my elbow into hers and picked violin, so that we could learn together.

We were lucky to find a caring teacher both vastly experienced and yet energetic enough to inspire. My daughter has been dutifully going through her books (motivated by the prospect of demonstrating enough responsibility to finally get that potential puppy we’ve been talking about forever.) I, on the other hand, have forged ahead like a bull in a Stradivarius shop, jumping all over the place, to the amusement and partial vexing of the teacher, who just isn’t quite sure what to do with me. My purpose in learning is partly to see what is most practical and fun to do on the instrument in order to better write for it, both solo and orchestral. Wanting to avoid the trap of subconsciously limiting my writing to what I myself can play, I’m trying to quickly absorb bits and pieces of various techniques just to remember that they are out there. Pizzicato, harmonics, double stops, unisons, spiccato, alongside the ubiquitous détaché.

I really did have trial by fire with this, being thrown in with two other adult learners to form the Valiant Trio for last spring’s recital. To get there, we sightread probably a dozen pieces to choose our favorites to work on. Simply keeping up was a miracle. We got through both a soirée and a recital playing from three stylistic periods and had a very warm reception. After that, it was time for me to get back to actually buckle down and improve my bowing. A piano background serves me pretty well in the left hand dexterity, but the bow is another beast altogether. I’ve just joined a community orchestra and the “second string” group is exactly where I should be, highly challenging but entirely doable.

My first lesson was on September 16 a year ago. When the anniversary rolled around I got a bit obsessive about capturing my progress to this point. The thing about recording, though, is that it shows you exactly where you need to fix things. So I would no sooner record something than have to record it again, but better. At some point I have to stop and freeze the frame, though, so gahhhh here it is. 

(**I did record some video, but I found the video element a little too much at once, too distracting. Plus, I have a cold. So I ended up recording audio, and the videos are for my own consumption for now, and mostly for bowing improvement.) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6wIa5CA88k

*changed my mind and added a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tKACLijHUQ

Sorry, not sorry, but yeah, a little sorry

It has been obscenely long since I've tended to my website. Life gets in the way. I'm a bit more active day-to-day on social networks, though, so if you want to keep in touch there it might not be a bad thing.

Most recently have completed work on a comedy short called Morning Apologies. More about that later!

Twitches in Anticipation

An old song of mine, "Chameleon," is getting a lot of sudden attention, and I wish I knew what prompted it. Out of the ten songs on the album, this particular track is one of the more highly produced, with the most straightforward lyrics, so I suppose it makes sense in terms of commercial viability. There are other songs, though, that I want to brush off and say "Hey! Look at this pretty one! It's introspective and sensitive and lovely!" But anyway, something has picked it up and looked at it and other things are noticing and also looking at it, seemingly out of nowhere. I'm getting lots of NOI's for this one song (Notice of Intent to License) and so far it is not translating into concrete $ language in my account but it sure is entertaining and fun to speculate. There is apparently some streaming going on. Side note: I have a sudden urge to travel to Luxembourg. Apparently they love me!

cold snap

We've seen some very cold days this past week in Seattle, but the stretch is coming to a close. Here is a memento.

"Mirasteros" wins string quartet call for scores competition!

My string quartet piece "Mirasteros" was one of ten works selected by blind jury in the Seattle Composers Alliance first-annual International Call for Scores Competition! 

If you're not familiar with what a "Call for Scores" is, it is mainly three things: a way to (potentially) get your work performed, a way to grow as a composer, and great incentive to do the specific kind of work that is "called for" so you at least have that in your basket when all is said and done, regardless of the outcome. One of the hardest things about composing (or creating in general) is narrowing down your options. A call for scores does the defining for you, and then you just treat it as an assignment. In this case it was a string quartet, 3-5 minutes in length. That was it.

I'm very pleased with this work, and so glad that I get to hear it and share it VERY SOON! As in, next week!

The ten winning works will be performed by the Saint Helens String Quartet at The Chapel Performance Space at Good Shepherd Center in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle as part of the Wayward Music Series.

7:30pm Tuesday October 21.

$5-$15 general admission, free for SCA members.

4649 Sunnyside Ave N Seattle 98103

NDAs that go both ways

At first, it was a very odd feeling to need to sign a non-disclosure agreement about projects I was working on. The pain of having all of this music I'm super extra proud of and want to share, that I cannot. I acclimated about as much I could, though. Projects started to collect, as they do. Some of them have gone into hibernation, some have changed, one has actually died. Some are moving. Now the shoe is on both feet at the same time, as I send out my own little NDA for collaborators. The waiting IS the hardest part.

Congratulations to the winners

I'm constantly being thrown curveballs in this industry. I was asked to be on the SCA jury to award an original score prize to a feature and a short film for the 17th annual Local Sightings Film Festival at Northwest Film Forum. I'm so glad I overcame my initial reluctance because I otherwise wouldn't have had the opportunity to watch such an amazing scope and variety of work among the eight features and 18 shorts, give or take, that my colleagues and I screened. Congratulations to Daryl Bennett for "The Exhibition" and Melody Loveless for "Maureen." People don't often realize how crucial the underscore is in the success of the overall film, so it's really gratifying to be able to recognize and reward such excellence. Bravo.

James Richter and Susan Maughlin Wood of Seattle Composers Alliance